We knew this day wasn’t going to be easy, with the two events we were both dreading on the calendar, one being Andrew’s pre-assessment and the other being the funeral of a relative of one of our very best friends. I already hadn’t been sleeping for the previous five nights so was feeling pretty rough, I had suggested to Andrew not going to the hospital but he wanted me to be there, to reassure myself, ask questions and to be there to support him, after all he had been there for me through thick and thin.
We left home bright and early, I’d been awake since 5am and made sure we were good to go so we missed all the rush hour traffic. Also the intention was to get there nice and early, let them know we had a funeral to attend and hope they would rush Andrew through the system, so we could get out as soon as possible. He was booked in quickly and once we were taken through to the nurse who was going to handle the pre-assessment, she was happy to push the appointment through quickly. Once all questions were asked and answered, it seemed that unless Andrew fell ill or there was no bed space the procedure would go ahead the following week 😳. By now my poor heart rate was off the scale, good job I was in my chair. She checked Andrews heart, Mr cool calm and collected measured at 56 BPM, so for a giggle, we checked mine, 114 BPM!!
I explained I was just stressed and worried and she said she totally understood. We told her about our personal situation and notes were made, at least she listened to our worries. Finally she needed a blood test and asked us to head to the department, I jokingly commented about the two hour wait we had at King Edward, she asked us to wait on the pre-assessment wing. Two minutes later another nurse called us into a room and was taking Andrews blood test, apparently the queue was too long and they didn’t want to delay us for the funeral. I thought that was a very kind and thoughtful gesture. As we left we made a point of finding the nurse and saying thank you, she had been particularly good to us, so she wished us good luck and told us to take care. With assessment pack in hand and all the info needed we headed back to the car.
We left the hospital in good time and headed home to get ready, donning black clothes is never nice. We both looked very smart but for all the wrong reasons, it was to go and say goodbye to someone who had been very special. We nipped to the florist and picked up our flowers and then headed to the local Catholic Church. After a short wait in the car, we headed inside as everyone began to arrive. Not long after 1pm the funeral cortège had arrived and the Father led the family into church. My heart broke for them, tears sprang to my eyes just seeing the coffin and the way it was bought into church reminded me of my father, I could hardly contain myself. Andrew gripped my hand to keep me strong.
The biggest issue with Catholic funerals is the amount of time you stand, now a PoTsie trying to stand is not a great thing, I refused to let my condition beat me. It very nearly did, half way through the first hymn my vision was blurry, I couldn’t hear, I was near faint but I was using all my muscle gripping techniques and trying to control my breathing, I would not fall over. Not today, not here, not at this funeral!! Just as I thought I was about to finally go down, the priest said you may sit down, the relief was immense.
I haven’t been to mass for years, I converted to Catholicism many years ago but stopped going to church when a young friend died as I began to question my beliefs. So to attend a mass after all this time I threw my heart and soul into it, I tried to sing every hymn and recite every prayer. I owed it to my friend and his family as a matter of respect. Eventually it was time to take the communion and again after more than ten years I decided to accept “the body of Christ” after receiving I bowed my head and offered my silent prayers.
Once the mass was over we then headed to the cemetery for the burial and as the coffin was lowered into the ground the hail storm whipped around the crowd of mourners. We all huddled under the few umbrellas that were raised, it was a heart wrenching moment as the family said their final goodbyes. We left the cemetery and sought the warmth of our cars.
As our day drew to an end I was so glad the day was complete, it had been one of the hardest, emotionally and physically. We still have another few difficult days ahead before his surgery, the stress is affecting me rather badly I will update you about that tomorrow.
Living With Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Type 3 